A darker deeper level of snark

I know it's been quite some time since I've shown my face, so to speak, here and for that, dear internet, I am sorry. But I had to share this with you. She could be my new best friend, if I were lucky enough to live in the Bay Area:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/71020820.html

Enjoy!

law student version of sending my child to war

Dear Apple Technician,

Please, please please take good care of my baby. She is in a very vulnerable state at the moment, what with the combination of not working correctly and me oscillating between screaming and crying jags every time she does not work correctly. She is my trusty and loyal sidekick, my partner in crime, the love of my (law school) life. Be kind. Treat her well. I've put her through a lot of trials and tribulations over the last year and a half, and I'd like to see her make it at least until I graduate and find a job. Send her back to me new and improved as fast as you can.

Also? Though I am in the midst of a massive pre-send-off backup of my data, please PLEASE for the love of all that is holy try not to delete any of my shit. I am a law student, not a tech guru, and I make no claims of actually knowing what I am doing when it comes to backing up my documents, music and pictures. And all those other random but essential files that live in non-obvious places. In other words, please send my baby back intact, aside from the broken parts.

Sincerely,

(NotCurrently)Laughing

hiatus shmi-bite me-atus

You might say that I have been on a hiatus from blogging. You would be correct. I launched myself into winter break with the pointed goal of Doing Nothing for 4 solid weeks and I'm happy to say that I succeeded, with one notable exception. I did spend a lot of time with my new boyfriend, who I'll call Jack Bauer. He is incomparably delightful, but that's enough gushing for now.

Today I made a discovery about an apparent misconception that I've had since starting law school. I always thought that the loud people in the library were 1Ls - those without a clear understanding of law school etiquette and hierarchy, who had no basis for understanding their volume level. And I have been wrong this whole time! The loud people in the library are actually 3Ls - they don't really care that much about reading for their classes, but they're sort of in the habit of being in the library, and the bar exam isn't close enough yet for them to actually be preparing. I'm not yet sure what to do with this new found knowledge, as it stretches my sense of law school etiquette and hierarchy to glare mercilessly at a bunch of 3Ls. More to follow, and I promise it will be sooner than last time.

internet "research"

You know you've crossed some sort of internet-stalking line when you find things while "researching" somebody online that you want to share with them, but in order to do so you'd have to admit to your technological-pokings-around - and not in the "yeah I checked out your pictures when you friended me" kind of way. But come on, when someone else who has the exact same name has put only books about magical demons on their amazon wish list, how can I be expected to not make a joke about that?

In a related note, lots of people who have private Facebook profiles do not have private pictures. I mean lots and lots, especially those who are not paranoid law students worried about getting a job someday. I also think that most people don't think about the setting "friends of friends" as still containing complete strangers. I start break tomorrow afternoon and it is going to take Herculean efforts to keep from going any further into the internetz.

notes in the margins

My favorite note I've found written (by me) in the margins of my casebook as I outline: "professor thinks this is crap."

It is unfortunately not so helpful as to why professor thinks it is crap, or what professor prefers. At least it's better than the one about a hundred pages back, awkwardly positioned far enough away from the case as to indicate that it wasn't referring to anything in particular: "WTF."

Oh evidence, you and I can only be friends for the purpose of pointing out the inaccuracies of Law & Order.

it's a series of tubes

Ok, I love me some lolcats as much as anybody else (not true, I probably love them more), but have you ever read the comments on those posts? Holy literacy rate, I want to punch those people.

Also, while I'm on the subject of griping about my otherwise favorite study distractions, I've always wondered: who are the people taking the People of Walmart pictures? They have to be in Walmart to take the picture, or at least lurking around the parking lot - aren't they making fun of themselves in a roundabout way? Or worse, are they just douchey hipster college students doing recon so that they can bask in the glory of their photo being posted on the site? Does it assuage the conscience of people like me when we do go into Walmart? "Hey it's not so bad, maybe I'll see a crazy person I can take a picture of with my overpriced phone!"

This is a perfect example of why I should not be left alone to study on a Friday night, without the company of booze or attractive men: because when left to my own devices I over-analyze everything that is fun about the internet.

moment of panic

Every time I have to do a research assignment for work, there is a moment early on in the process when I am looking at the research question and I just think to myself, "I have no fucking clue what my boss is asking for." I know I need to ask some questions to clarify what it is I'm supposed to be looking for, but in order to ask good questions I need to have some understanding of what I'm doing. In order to have some understanding of what I'm doing, I need to know a little bit more than zero, that is if I want to keep my job. And so I spend a couple of hours spinning my wheels, grasping at search terms and obscure ALRs until I have enough of a shadow of an idea to ask those clarifying questions. Does this happen to anybody other than me?

obligatory pre-overnighter posting

I am about to dive headfirst into a 15 page final paper for one of my classes (due tomorrow, how'd you guess?) but before I started I figured I would waste a bit more time and alert teh interwebz to my recent goings-on. And, of course, since I am lazy ... err .... saving all of my transitions for my brilliant paper, I will devolve into my favorite format, la liste.

1. I went away for a few days for Thanksgiving and came back to a cat who was so starved for attention that she has sat on my lap for over 10 hours today. If there is one thing I am thankful for this year, it is the unconditional love of a pet.
2. The downside is that it is very difficult to actually accomplish anything when there is a purring cat sitting between me and my laptop.
3. When I got up yesterday I learned that my phone had deleted all the contact names in my address book. In other words I still have the numbers, but no names to go with them, which is just about as useless as not having the numbers at all. I'm working on a solution, but in the meantime I'm just answering the phone really enthusiastically every time.
4. I did an interview with Awesome Job That I Want SO Much, For Realz about a week ago, and I do not have enough digits to cross to contain my hopefulness.
5. When it rains it pours. Just saying.
6. I am almost halfway through with law school, which makes me simultaneously relieved and terrified. This is pretty much par for the course? I'm Ron Burgundy?
7. I cannot wrap my brain around how people who have such a poor grasp of grammar get into law school, but I'm so grateful that they do. Getting all worked up about grammar, style, and punctuation while grading citations is strangely cathartic.
8. For the love of all that is good and holy, please do not go out and buy Going Rogue. Do not Go Rogue, do not collect $200.
9. Also, please do not go see New Moon. Barf.
10. I love my apartment. I've never really loved anywhere that I've lived before, so it's a strange new feeling for me, but oh god I lurve my apartment.

patience is my strong suit

In my experience, the anxiety of waiting for a guy to call is only eclipsed by the anxiety of waiting for the Awesome Job I Applied For to call. And I only submitted my application like 3 minutes ago. Welcome to my own particular brand of crazy, Internet. Make yourself comfortable, we could be here a while.

list of suck

Things About Which I Am Not Particularly Pleased At The Moment:

1. Not getting any interviews yet.
2. Also not yet getting called back by the cute boy I spent the weekend with.
3. Having a cold.
4. Being broke.
5. The fact that there are no more classes to take from my favorite professor.
6. Acne.
7. The fact that finals are right around the corner.

the "work" and corresponding "death"

I'm pretty sure that I have pulled more all-nighters in the last 3 months of being a 2L than I ever did as an undergrad. I know I'm not the first to say this, and I won't be the last, but crap-on-a-cracker this 2L "work you to death" thing is no joke. And mere weeks ago I was going on and on about not letting law school take over my entire life. Ha. Ha. Defeat is funnier in the wee hours of the morning, don't you think?

Also, as a result of the overworkèdness, if another one of the 1Ls in the writing class I TA for comes up to me to complain about how much work they have, I may have to punch them. Except take out the "may" from that last sentence and substitute it with "will, without hesitation." So 1Ls? You are on notice: it's not Halloween zombies you need to watch out for, it's bloodshot 2Ls who look like zombies. Don't say you haven't been warned.

C&S

Cite & Source, otherwise known as Crap & Snark, otherwise known as Crude & Sucky, otherwise known as I Have Lost My Creativity to Make Up Clever Shit. Oh Wait! Otherwise known as Clever & Shit.

Things I Will Do While I Work on This Cite & Source:

1. Watch about a billion episodes of L&O Criminal Intent on Instant Watch. I know there are a lot of C&I haters out there, but I love Vincent D'Onofrio, and now it's got Chris Noth too, and you know that Noth sounds an awful lot like NOM. Chris Nomnomnomnoth.
2. Dive into that gallon of seasonally flavored ice cream in the freezer.
3. Learn way more than anybody cares to know about now-defunct laws written in the 1940s.

pickle

I am in a research pickle. Everything that I have found gives an extremely clear answer to the research question: "no". But my boss thinks that the answer should be "yes," and is bound and determined that I should find that "yes" if I just do more research. At what point do I stop billing and again give the unsatisfactory answer of "no" even after being told to "look harder"?

laundry day

Although living in a building of mostly undergrads has its obvious downsides (Taylor-Swift-listening-girl-next-door, I'm looking at you) I have discovered one perk. Being the only person up before 10 on a Sunday means I get first dibs on the one washer and dryer, which I plan on monopolizing for the next 3-4 hours. Bwahhahahaha!

The amount of enjoyment that I am getting out of this is perhaps a new low in the "law school has turned me into a complete loser" game.

adventures in "reply all"

Today in the library, I received the following email:
_____
To: Laughing, Guy-Friend ...list of other people
From: StudyGroupGuy
Subject: Party!

Hey study group! I am having a party next weekend, it would be cool if you all came!

_____

I then replied to Guy-Friend:
_____
To: Guy-Friend
From: Laughing
Subject: RE: Party!

OMG! Cute boy in our study group is having a party!
_____

Then Guy-Friend replied to me:
_____
To: Laughing
From: Guy-Friend
Subject: RE: Re: Party!

Laughing, you clicked Reply All....
_____

And then PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC
_____

And then I received this:
_____
To: Laughing
From: Guy-Friend
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Party!

Haha! Just joking!
_____

And then I spent the afternoon scheming about leaving flaming bags of poo on Guy-Friend's doorstep.

insert cliche

After the problem I had a couple of weeks ago when the heat spontaneously came on by itself and wouldn't turn off on an 80 degree day, I now have the opposite problem. No heat. And it was nowhere near 80 here today. And there is only so much fleece in my apartment.

I would have called this post "be careful what you wish for" except that phrase is basically the cliche version of "I told you so", which makes me kinda punchy. "Be careful what you wish for" is really only appropriate when what you wish is for me to punch you in the face, and then I would recommend that you be careful what you wish for silently, because I can be a little spazy with the punches.

stir crazy

I agreed to take on 2 extra research and writing projects for work this weekend and next to generate some extra cash for a mini-vacation I'm taking next month. It will be worth it, but it means that I'm staying in to work all weekend. On Thursday it seemed like no big thang, yesterday it still seemed doable, and today I am wallowing in what seems like an impossible amount of work in an impossibly short time, and yet it seems like fo re ver until I will be done. Not leaving the house for 40+ hours can have that crazy-making effect on a person.

So to break up the monotony, I'm following the lead of mind the sass with a few of my favorite things:

1. Crescent rolls. Nom!
2. My new caramel colored knee length boots.
3. Kitty.
4. The Office.
5. Pumpkin ice cream.
6. Netflix.
7. The fact that I got to keep the awesome TV in the division of stuff.
8. Blue mascara - perhaps controversial, but fun nonetheless.
9. Christmas music (ok, I'll wait until October).
10. Not being a 1L.
11. My bicycle.
12. Thai tea.

And, in the alternative, a very short list of my new least favorite thing:

1. Use of the word "arguendo", especially when used after the word "assuming." AARGH.

house-keeping and awesome-keeping

Hi, my name is Laughing and I am an asshole. Which is to say, I just got around to updating the links to some of my favorite blawgers who had migrated to new platforms. Uh, some of whom had done so like 6 months ago. This is my way of making up for my slackishness. Go visit Exhibit L, No634, a woman in law school, and A (Non)Token Minority Law Student - all people who, despite me ignoring their pleas to update my blogroll, did not remove me from theirs. Thanks dudes.

It is also my pleasure to say that I've been included in The Bitter Lawyer's 10 Favorite Law Student Blogs. Woot! I'm totally flattered, especially since my posting schedule has been, err, lacking lately. Go read all the interviews of the folks included on the list. There is a tiny part of me that wishes I hadn't outed my crush on Nobody since she was also included, but on the bright side it reaffirms my incredibly good taste, no?

And if you're here for the first time because of the Bitter Lawyer post, welcome y'all! I hope you enjoy!

this friday night brought to you by lame

I realized I hadn't spent a single night just hanging out by myself for the last 2 weeks (no wonder I feel like I'm losing my everloving mind) so I decided to spare my friends and take some alone time tonight. As soon as I decided that I would spend the evening with my feet up, eating bonbons, I looked around my apartment and saw that it was, well, kind of gross. For me, in law school especially, the messy apartment problem tends to spiral out of control fairly quickly - I'm stressed so I don't clean, things are messy and therefore I get more stressed, and it all ends up with me blowing off something I should be doing for school in order to get my surroundings in better shape. My amazing discovery? Friday night cleaning is better than Saturday morning cleaning, because it comes with the added bonus of wine. And you know me, drinking alone on a Friday night usually leads to a list.

Things I Did Tonight in Particular Order:

1. Play laser pointer with the cat. Never gets old.
2. Washed dishes.
3. Spent twice as long washing dishes as necessary because I was also watching Gossip Girl.
4. Dusted the top of the fridge.
5. Discovered that the heat was on, what the eff?
6. Ohmahgah it is so hot in here, why can't I get the heat to turn off?!?
7. Opened windows.
8. Spent 30 minutes trying to keep the cat from leaning against window screens.
9. Closed the windows.
10. Cleaned the bathroom sink and vanity.
11. Started cleaning the toilet.
12. Discovered that the water was no longer running, mid-toilet cleaning.
13. Overcome by sudden and unquenchable thirst.
14. Cleaned kitchen counters, table. Scoured burner pans.
15. Thought about reading for Ethics.
16. Fuck that, how about a movie and eat ice cream instead.

That basically brings us to the current moment, with me and the cat enjoying a lovely (if hot) evening in a tidied apartment that smells faintly of lemon cleaning product. Hope you all had a great Friday night too.

advice (not assvice!) to 1Ls

Dear Precious 1Ls,

We need to have a quick chat about study room etiquette. You see, I get that you are new here. I get that you don't quite know how things work yet. I get that you are scared out of your damn minds at least half the time. But that doesn't give you any good reason to act like a bunch of dill-holes. So let's go over some stuff that might make everybody's lives a little easier.

1) Try reserving your own study rooms instead of taking mine. Telling me that you've been kicked out of 3 other study rooms already today doesn't move me to sympathy so much as it makes you look like an idiot. Reserve your own room or go to the library, and get the fuck over it.

2) When somebody starts standing awkwardly outside of a study room you are in, they are not admiring your color-coded underlining technique or your overpriced and underfunctional school bag. They probably have the room reserved, which means you need to get out, poste haste. No, you may not finish that page, that email, that killer convo about who said what to whom at bar review. Pack yo shit up and skeedadle.

3) Study rooms are not soundproof booths. Less shrieking, less screeching, less squee. Many of you have not yet figured out that you are staring down the barrel of a buttload of work, and that you would do well to use less time gossiping. If you are with it enough to have gotten a study room, use it for studying, or at least silent facebooking. I don't really care what you do, as long as I can't hear it.

That being said, you all look like lovely people. I'd be more than happy to help you with your citations. I love seeing your UCC diagrams on the whiteboards. Also, I commend you on the relatively low incidence of over-perfumers. Next year you'll have full discretion to chastise 1Ls as you see fit. Let's just try to work these study room habits into your routine, mmmkay?

Truly yours,

Laughing