best and worst of the first

I got tagged! And despite my steady readership of other people's blogs, it took me about 15 minutes to figure out what the fuck it meant when Shake wrote "I tagged you!" I thought, "spray paint?" or maybe "facebook?" A while later, and with a healthy helping of "duh" I realized that oh, hey, tagging is a thing people do on their blogs. Oh yeah.

Aside from that, this exercise was difficult for me. It was difficult to look back and try and decide between all the bad memories, and to try and remember the not so many good ones. This year of school has been rough and though I've had fun at times, nothing in particular has stood out for me as making all the crappy stuff worth it. But hey, let's get the bad news over with first....

The Worst: On the day that I turned my final brief in for my writing class, I also got back a practice midterm from a class I had been doing pretty well in. While he was handing back the midterms, my professor mentioned that there was one that he had trouble reading, and so he had asked the writing tutor to read it and comment. And of course it was mine. And of course the writing comments were the first thing I read. And of course, I lost my shit. Writing has always been one of my strongest academic skills, and it tore me to shreds. I thought about quitting school, I thought that I was going to fail out. I was mad at my professor and mad at myself, and I couldn't stop thinking about the paper I had just turned in. I read the midterm, and it was poorly written, and so I beat myself up some more. I tried my best to put it behind me, to not think about it, to act as if it had been a fluke.

The Best: I hate to bring this to grades, but this experience is only the Best because of how it relates to the Worst. The day after my last final I went in to pick up my graded brief from my writing professor (yes, the one that I turned in on that awful day). Right there on the front of my grading sheet, my professor had written that my brief was the best one in the class. I hope to never forget that feeling. I could absolutely not hold it in. In fact, I'm pretty sure I actually squeaked, right there in the law building hallway, in the middle of finals, one big loud "EEEEEEE!" I have never been so happy to get an A in my entire life, and I have also never been so worried about doing poorly on something. Plus, it was a great feeling that the first grade I got this semester was such a good one (especially compared to last semester, when my first grade was by far the worst). It has given me more confidence at my internship, in my ability to be an attorney, and in my ability to take a rough situation and still do well for myself.

I'm going rogue and tagging some who has finished a bit more school than me: (In)Sanity Gal.

finals time, break time, job time

Finals were brutal, in ways both expected and not. Property, which was my ace in the hole, was also the last exam and so by that point I was suffering from some serious exam burnout. The Con Law exam seemed to be the best of the bunch, but there's no way to know until grades come in. I did get some good news right after exams: I got the highest grade in my writing class!! It was a welcome surprise, and I have to say that I've never been so happy to get an A in my whole life.

And then? And then! Summer break. I've also never been so happy in my life for summer vacation. Not being in law school is a great feeling. I've been taking maximum advantage: planting my garden, reading a stack of books, drinking lots of beer.

I also started my internship last week. I'm working for a judge and so far its been great. I'll be posting more regularly again soon, but here is a short list of things to share with you:

1. Holyfuckingshit I am not qualified for this. According to the clerk I'm working with, this feeling doesn't really go away.
2. I managed to "exfoliate" all of the skin off of my pinky toe in just 2 days of wearing dress shoes. No likey.
3. I have now seen my judge in running shorts 3 times. I'm sorry, I meant to say 3 times too many.
4. Lawyers are rude.
5. I am happy to report that you are still allowed to have an afternoon snack in adult-land.

what's your weirdest search?

You know the "research" you do to get points on lexis/westlaw? The days where you have nothing legitimate to look up, but goddamnit if you are going to miss today's 15 points? What do you search - even better - what is the weirdest thing you've searched?

When I'm presented with a situation like this, I turn into an 8 year old boy. Which is how I now know that there are 17 cases on lexis with the phrase "dog poop" in them. (Oh hello new readers who are finding me after searching "dog poop". You are creeping me out, go away.) The bad thing about that search though, is that all of the cases are pretty sad. The phrase isn't used as a euphemism for something else, and you know that if that particular element is important enough to use in the case then there is some sad stuff going down.

To cheer myself up, I decided to search for some other ridiculous thing: witch and magic wand. Three cases. More hilarious and less sad. Also better than just searching "magic wand" where nearly every phrase goes something like this: "the suchandsuch doctrine is not a magic wand for that dumb thing you did."

So what about you? What have been your best, worst, funniest, and weirdest searches? Come on, I've got 2 days to go, entertain me.

the dormant commerce clause

Can go fuck itself. For that matter, all of con law can go fuck itself.

I need a big sign above my head to warn friends and loved ones. It would say, "interact with me at your own risk." In fact, those signs should be included in the cost of tuition.

end of classes: 1L

Yesterday was my last class session for my 1L year. Holy crap.

It was an awesome feeling, a feeling I'm trying to savor and at the same time not over-inflate. It's really tempting to start singing, "I don't ever have to be in class with him again or her again or them lalalala!" And since there is no way of knowing if the particularly annoying folks in my section will be in any more of my classes I have to reign in that instinct of mine. Because they probably will. At least I won't have all of my classes with all of the same people all of the fucking time.

The #1 thing I have hated about law school? Having all of my classes with all of the same people all day every day all week every week all year. I like a little bit of anonymity in my classes, and I like a little bit of variety. Having less external reinforcement helps my internal motivation to keep ticking. Being in all the same classes with the same group of type-A personalities was so much external reinforcement that it really turned me in the opposite direction, of needing to get away from it all a little too often.

My section did not become a love fest of people who will be friends until we die. It became an oversized Real World house, complete with ill-advised hookups, secret alliances and agendas, and, more than anything, drama. Le barf. I can recognize that some of the friends I've made are friends of convenience. In the last month I've seen this, experienced the inevitable falling out of touch. That's ok with me.

Yesterday, one of my classmates said that he doesn't feel like he knows anything more now than he did in August. I asked him, "is that a joke?" I feel almost like a different person now than I did 9 months ago. No, I certainly don't think that I have learned very much of what there is to know about the law, but that has more to do with the vastness of the subject than with my increase in knowledge. I know enough now to know that I need to know more (say that 5 times fast), but I still think that I have learned an incredible amount in this school year. Its probably the greatest knowledge increase I've had since I learned to read. Even if I just consider things I've learned about myself in the last 9 months, the change has been huge.

One thing I've learned? Not to be terrified of my exams. I'm trying to remind myself of that as I prepare and revise my outlines. I hope everyone out there can feel the same. Good Luck.

cleanliness is next to .... calmness?

Not to sound too smarmy, but sometimes what I really need is just to spend a few minutes cleaning up my apartment.

I've always been a person who, under stress, makes a huge mess in my surroundings: papers laid everywhere, clothing strewn about, coffee mugs left out, etc. I've always made excuses: I'm so busy/stressed/have so much to accomplish that I cannot even begin to think about being neat, let alone actually cleaning up the mess that I've made. That "solution" has always worked just fine for me, at least until law school.

"Stress-messy" was still my M.O. last semester, at least during the week. Now, I'm beginning to think that this may be a poor strategy for me. Instead of calming me down because I have one less task to worry about, I think deep down the mess stresses me out. Cleaning can be really cathartic for me, and in the last few weeks I've found that its much better than surfing the internet or watching tv is at making me feel like I've had a break and am ready to do more schoolwork.

Maybe this is a tiny piece of the wisdom/calm that the 2Ls have found? I know that they are waaay busier than 1Ls, but for the most part they seem to also do a waaay better job at balancing school, life and job than we do.

oh yeah, "there are no winners or losers"

While working on my appellate brief, sometimes it is hard to remember that this is not a real case. Its disappointing too, especially after finding out that the cases relied upon by my opposing counsel don't even come close to making a convincing argument. My first instinct is to think, "Awesome! We are totally going to win! Booyah!" I'm slightly irritated to know that the grading is going to be based entirely on the quality of the writing, when it is clear that someone could write well and cite flimsy case law. I guess this is just another charming example of "this is what being a lawyer is like, except we are going to do things completely different."

I guess I should just try and keep my "we are winning!" enthusiasm and realize that this gives me a great writing opportunity to slam (er, distinguish) the cases in their brief. Right? Being excited that I'm given a good opportunity to write well? That's a new level of nerdery, even for me.

nothing to share

Maybe this blog is headed down the tubes. I just feel so unsatisfied with everything that I write. Plus, my life is pretty damn monotonous, so there's not a lot of fun and new things to share.

Seriously, in the past 3 weeks I've written at least six posts that are going to rot in the saved section because they are either: 1) spiteful and mean because I'm crabby, 2) whiny because law school sucks, 3) bitter because of 1 or 2, or 4) annoying because I am paralyzed by having too many options (which is also kind of whiny).

Maybe its just that time in the semester? Bleh. That seems to be my answer for everything.

Ok, there is one thing that is remotely worth sharing. I like Property. I know. Am freakish and unnatural. This certainly does not translate into any desire to do something involving property after I graduate, but for some reason I get it. I can sit and do 3 days of reading in a row without wanting to pull out my eyeballs. It just clicks for me. But, considering That Thing That Happened With My Grades last semester, I'm almost nervous about liking it, as if liking my classes is a sure path to doom.

clusterfrackery

...is when you get to the top of the parking garage ramp, press the button so that it will dispense a ticket and open the gate and instead the message pops up: "tickets jammed". And there is no attendant. And the gate does not move. And you must try and reverse and u-turn down the steep ramp before anyone traps you in there. And you need to get on the train actually very soon. And so you drive home (?!) to park and get on the train there. And this last "and" is just intended to make all you hard line grammarians cringe again.

As you can tell, I've returned from spring break with a bang.

I gave myself a real break this time - I didn't read, outline, or write. It felt good, and I needed the mental and emotional break. Unfortunately it has been followed by the rather jarring realization that - frack frack frack - there are only 5 more weeks of class. Ooh. Hmm. I need to catch up on con law. Yes.

It doesn't help that I agreed to do a bunch of really really time consuming stuff this week. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the positive. Like this stuff:

1. Not only have I scored a majorly awesome summer internship, I have also managed to snag one for the fall. (Don't be too jealous, neither are paid)
2. The fact that the cat kept me up all fracking night last night means that I'll sleep like the dead tonight.
3. I'm making onion soup tomorrow. Nom slurp nom.
4. I found a grocery store gift certificate that my mom gave me for Christmas that I had previously lost. Free food!
5. I have a new favorite word. Can you guess what it is? In related news, a new disc of battle-nerd ga-nerd-ica arrives in the mail tomorrow.

I promise to write more betterer posts if you promise to continue reading past this school-heavy/blog-light dry spell*

Bargained for exchange? I think so.

These couple of weeks before spring break have been quite a doozy. Tomorrow afternoon marks the peak of this mid-semester foothill: practice oral argument. Somehow my writing professor decided that the best timing for practice oral arguments is at the end of our longest day of class, a couple of hours into the evening, on the last day of class before spring break. You know, so that we'll be extra fresh and well-rested. And prepared. And apathetic. Add some lifeless adverbs and this sentence style is probably exactly how I will speak tomorrow night.

So, in lieu of a more elegant, eloquent, entertaining or even lengthy post I will leave you with this sampling of what I would rather be writing about:

1. I got an internship for the summer. Booyah.
2. A friend sent us five extra-large cans of fancy Spanish tuna. Five.
3. I find it a little bit bizarre when staff at the law school send out emails after 10 pm.
4. Fuuuuuuck daylight savings, otherwise known as "that time/light thing that kills my ability to wake up in the morning."
5. My prop prof said in class that while I do not look like someone who would own a garbage truck business, I sound like someone who would own a garbage truck business. Resident gunner-douchebag thought this was the funniest thing he's ever heard.
6. I actually think I'm understanding property. Something is clearly wrong with my brainz.
7. Ohmagaahd if undergrads are going to study in the law building the least they can do is cut down on the damn perfume.
8. Bliss = spontaneous lap-cuddling and purring from a generally standoffish kitteh.
9. Question for 2 & 3Ls: I have another interview next week for a summer (unpaid) internship, even though I've already accepted somewhere else. Can I just explain that I'm interested in interning in the fall during my interview, or do I need to call and let them know ahead of time? (Note: I think I will probably be the only applicant for summer or fall, and she set up the interview without even seeing my resume, telling me to just bring it along when we meet).
10. If you too are on the brink of spring breakage, Have Fun.




*Or If Post Titles Were Like Point Headings: The Story of Writing Phrases that Readers are Guaranteed to Skip Over

not laughing

I've been extra complainy lately, I know. February has been a tough month - lots of school work, lots of stress, very little let up. But yo? It is hard to not be complainy when the shit just keeps hitting the fan in such spectacular fashion.

Latest example: this is the weekend before my motion brief is due. It was also BF's birthday, so I took yesterday off and planned to work diligently, all day long, on my brief today. In theory it was an excellent plan. Excellent, until this morning when I discovered that my hot water heater was leaking - soaking the living room and office room floor, carpet, and furniture. So instead of writing and editing and revising and perfecting my citations, I spent the bulk of the day wrangling with various maintenance technicians, moving furniture, and overseeing the carpet pad replacement, carpet shampooing, baseboard removal and water heater repair. And now my apartment is host to two very fucking loud industrial fans to dry the carpet and walls out.

I keep telling myself that it could have been worse. I could have not noticed for a couple of days, the water damage could have been so bad as to force me to move out of this godforsaken apartment into another godforsaken apartment on a different floor. But if that had happened I think I could have legitimately gotten an extension. This is just inconvenient enough to butt up against the limit of suck-it-up-and-finish-your-brief. Its just enough to waste the entire fucking day on, its just enough to bring me a hair's breadth from losing my shit.

Edited to add: The cat's dislike of the industrial fans is even stronger than my own. Poor kitty :(

this is the song that never ends

Law school is the song that never ends. Doing well in law school is all about your ability to tolerate always having something to do. Not just something that you could be doing but something that you need to do, something that you really ought to be doing.

I am discovering that I have a very low tolerance for that sort of thing. I need a foreseeable end, a lull, a break. I like lists because you can see everything and cross things off and then you're done. I can push myself to workworkworkwork when I know after its over I won't have anything to do. That's why I've always been such a procrastinator - I'm really only willing to put forth the time and energy when I'm going to be immediately rewarded with a break. And until law school, this was a pretty successful system. In work and undergrad things came in cycles. There was down-time. There were days when I had a lot to do and days when I truly had nothing to do. I was used to it and so I got good at it.

In law school, I've always got something that I need to do. When he's here on the weekends, BF asks me if I have a lot of work to do, and my answer is always "yes." It builds - neglect one thing for the sake of something else and you'll end up behind in everything. It wears on me. At the same time I recognize that this is how law school is, and I need to get to a point where it doesn't bother me. Any suggestions?

things I need to do

The following are some things that I need to do, listed not in the order in which I need to do them, but in the order of what is stressing me out the most. I am apparently only organized in my neuroses.

1. Sweep the bathroom floor. Actually, just clean the whole bathroom.
2. Write thank you cards for my interviewers. FUCK I just remembered this one.
3. Figure out how to get lower interest rates on my credit cards. For about 2 seconds, consider moving back in with my parents.
4. Get a new blade for the totally bombtastic cat brush that has recently become too dull to collect any actual cat hair.
5. (related to #4) Vacuum.
6. Wash dishes.
7. Organize (ie decipher) Property notes. Gah.
8. Do I have another sinus infection? Fuck.
9. Find someone who will accept my free and eager labor for the summer. Harder than it sounds.
10. Exercise. Am becoming squishy.
11. Holy shit its almost March.
12. Holy double shit scholarship application due soon.
13. Do laundry.
14. Need to get boss to send me more stuff to work on. Five hours a week doesn't pay the bills.
15. Buy BF birthday present.
16. Oh yeah, I have a draft due for my brief tomorrow.

Things I have actually spent my time doing tonight, in order of how much stupid time they took:
1. Internet.
2. Two blog posts (duh).
3. Cook and eat whole artichoke. Yum!
4. Watch Law & Order.
5. Play with the cat.
6. Outline my brief for tomorrow.

open letter to classmate

Dear classmate who sits behind me,

I sometimes like to surf the internet in class. I know that you do not approve of this behavior, but I don't need your approval. I do need you to get the fuck over it.

Sometimes the people in front of me surf the internet and instant message too, and to be honest I don't really notice when they do. Do you know why? Because the professor is not standing right behind their screens. Because I am not a Nosy Nancy, like yourself. Because I do not give a shit what my classmates do in class, as long as it is quiet.

You on the other hand, seem to think that my internet visits are fascinating - so much so that they absolutely prohibit you from paying attention. If that is true, then you might have ADHD. I can barely entertain myself online through 2 hours of con law, I'm blown away that I can entertain you with only half of a screen.

Also, you knew that I surf the internet in class and you still chose to sit behind me. In two classes. Perhaps you do not has the good decision-making skillz.

You've recently adopted a new tactic of telling me, out loud, in class, to stop surfing the internet, and wagging your finger at me. This crosses the line. You're twenty-five years old, its time to stop tattling on your classmates. Yes I should be paying attention, but I'm an adult and so I'm allowed to make my own decisions. You think I'm a slacker. I think you're condescending, nosy, and kind of a bully. Can we just agree to leave it at that?

Thanks a bunch!

Laughing

i thought they weren't supposed to work you to death til 2L

Do you ever feel like absolutely everything that you look at reminds you of something that you really need to do? I feel like that now, and I've been feeling that way for a couple of weeks. I am not yet ready to accept this as a defining feature of my life.

Only four and a half weeks into the semester and I am completely buried.

the little things

I know that I complain a lot, about law school and about life in general.

Tonight though I'm only going to share the bliss I get from sitting in bed in my pjs and doing my reading while enjoying a glass of wine and a game of string with the cat.

Things could be worse, no?

the new secret underground

If I learned one thing about law school from reading blogs it is that spring semester of 1L is supposed to be Super Job Search Time Extraordinaire! Resumes, cover letter, interviews, and call backs are supposed to be the words on everyone's lips. And yet, here I am, three weeks in to the spring semester, and I've witnessed none of this at my school. I understand its early in the process but I'm talking about law students - people who do "type A" so well that it needs a new name. So what's the deal? Are my classmates just not on the ball? (No) Do they all have jobs lined up already? (ha! no) Do they all have lawyer parents who hand out jobs like candy? (barf, but also no)

Today I figured it out: everyone, EVERYONE is staging their own little covert job seeking mission. Everyone is scrambling, and everyone is trying to keep it as under-wraps as possible. All of us have learned the following lessons at the same time: that you don't need to, or even want to, broadcast everything you ever do to your entire class, and that you get a little bit of satisfaction from thinking that you are more on top of it than your classmates. Combine these two items, mix liberally with a vibe of suddenly-cutthroat-competition, and a dash of economic-downturn-panic and you've got it: the secret job search.

I have to admit I'm guilty too, and without even realizing it. For one job in particular, when asked by a potential applicant/classmate about whether I had sent in my materials, I replied, "Oh gosh, I had better get around to that," all the while thinking, "Ha! I sent them in 2 weeks ago!" but also, "maybe if she thinks I haven't done it yet she won't worry about doing it quickly either!" Its opportunistic, its conniving, and its deceptive. I know. And I know I'm not the only one.

So I wonder, even while taking part: why all the secrecy?

who needs sleep?* well you're never gonna get it

Someday, someday some magical day I will get 7 hours of sleep on a school night. Not tonight, not last night, not tomorrow night, but sommmmmmeday. That night will be glorious. I am staring down the barrel of another 6 hour night and thinking about marginal utility**. That one hour? Its the most important one all night.

The worst part is that I know what the problem is: me. I really need to stop pretending like it is still break and I can still have fun a few (more) nights a week. It is just so hard to give that up, especially when I rationalize and convince myself that its just a couple of hours, that I need to take a break, that my overall quality of life is more important than that one chapter of reading for Legal Writing. In the end, I just guilt myself into doing the reading after 11pm, when I should be sleeping, when I don't retain much of it anyway, when my eyes sting from staring at a computer screen all day. And yes, I realize I'm blogging instead of sleeping right now, and therein lies the rub.

I need to spend this part of the semester shoring up my sleep reserves and immune system so that when flu season hits, when mid-semester freakout hits, when motion brief and appellate brief and moot court and oral argument and scholarship application deadline and everything else hits, I've got some credit.



*10 imaginary bonus points if you can name the band and album that this song title comes from without use of itunes.

**Apologies to readers and to my former self for referencing econ terms in a blog post about sleeping. On the other hand, marginal utility was the only thing that I enjoyed, understood, or retained from econ, a fact which seems to be biting me in the ass in Property. Alas.

weekend update

1. Law school has officially turned me into a bit of a caffeine junkie. I never really thought there was all that much caffeine in tea (durrr, wrong) and learned this morning that after a week of starting the day with english breakfast, it is not a good idea to skip my morning tea. BF will support that statement, considering the torrent of crabbiness and then I-am-dying-inside headache misery that I unleashed on him this morning. Thank goodness I still think that coffee tastes like ass or I'd be in real trouble.

2. Have you ever wondered what the water smelled like after the Boston Tea Party?

3. I'm feeling much better about law school today than I was yesterday or the day before. I can deal with the fact that I go to school with crazy people much better when I'm not actually in their presence.

4. I think I'm going to like contracts.

5. It is date night with BF. Sushi ahoy!

6. I did mostly alright on my first semester grades. However, having reviewed some of my exams this week, I take issue with some of my professors' grading methods. I was under the impression that if a question asked something along the lines of, "what would you do?" that you are going to be evaluated on the quality of your argument and whether you correctly explain the legal actions you chose. I was wrong. Apparently that questions is code for, "there is only one right answer sucker, it doesn't matter at all if you're a good writer as long as you get the gist of things, and if you can't guess what is in my head then you are SOL." Instead of feeling like I know what I'm in for in terms of spring exams, now even more than before I feel like grades are just a big crapshoot. This does not inspire confidence.

Enjoy the long weekend!

i might be outing myself with this, but...

This fucking week. It has been a murphy's law kind of week, as anything and everything has sort of gone to shit. And of the things that did not completely go to shit, it was probably the busiest first-week-of-school week I've ever had. Am seriously considering taking a mental health day tomorrow. I know that I wrote in the fall about just "letting it all go" and not holding on to the shitty things that happen long enough to let them upset you, and now I am going to swing back to the other extreme and complain about my week. The content of this post might out me and my anonymous identity to my classmates, but I've kept things pretty tame on this blog in terms of talking shit about others (a tactic which may fall by the wayside in the following list) and I'm in the midst of a full-blown whaaathaaafaaack pout, and need to get some things off my chest. And honestly, if my site stats are any indication, there isn't even anyone in this whole city that reads my blog, so here goes. If you do happen to recognize me as that girl in your section, let's just let this be our little secret mmmmkay?

These are the things that happened this week that were either totally shitty or total time-sucks:

Day 1: Wake up really effing early Monday morning for first day of school with a half of a foot of snow piling down and a busted ass hot water heater.

Day 2: My best friend drops out of law school, pretty much without warning.

Day 3: New professor throws me off kilter with a teaching style that includes walking around the room, through the aisles, as he questions us about property. Being sort of socially awkward, when he stands immediately in front of me, stares down at me and asks me a question, I react by saying this: "You're freaking me out, man". To be fair, he was freaking me out. On the other hand, this is, far and away, worse than any other time that I have ever "lost my shit" in class before in my whole life. Humiliation ensues. Buy some shoes to make me feel better, but somehow inadvertently get a half-size too big.

Day 4: At the point when I have started to get over my extreme embarrassment re: Day 3 events, girl in my class says about it: "I think you were just making it up for the attention". Spend contracts daydreaming about punching her in the face. Cat knocks over one of my two surviving orchids. Walk around cold downtown for 45 minutes looking for a restaurant, only to decide on a place a half-block from where we started. Also, major car issues ground my vehicle for the 3rd time in as many weeks. Cannot exchange the big shoes without driving, feel mocked by gorgeous unwearable footwear.

Many of these stories deserve entire posts of their own, especially days 2 and 3. At some point when I am not in a funk I will be able to reflect in a way that does justice to day 2's issues and consequences, and day 3's humor. If I go to school tomorrow, it will be without doing the reading. Right now I am going to bed.