Yesterday was my last class session for my 1L year. Holy crap.
It was an awesome feeling, a feeling I'm trying to savor and at the same time not over-inflate. It's really tempting to start singing, "I don't ever have to be in class with him again or her again or them lalalala!" And since there is no way of knowing if the particularly annoying folks in my section will be in any more of my classes I have to reign in that instinct of mine. Because they probably will. At least I won't have all of my classes with all of the same people all of the fucking time.
The #1 thing I have hated about law school? Having all of my classes with all of the same people all day every day all week every week all year. I like a little bit of anonymity in my classes, and I like a little bit of variety. Having less external reinforcement helps my internal motivation to keep ticking. Being in all the same classes with the same group of type-A personalities was so much external reinforcement that it really turned me in the opposite direction, of needing to get away from it all a little too often.
My section did not become a love fest of people who will be friends until we die. It became an oversized Real World house, complete with ill-advised hookups, secret alliances and agendas, and, more than anything, drama. Le barf. I can recognize that some of the friends I've made are friends of convenience. In the last month I've seen this, experienced the inevitable falling out of touch. That's ok with me.
Yesterday, one of my classmates said that he doesn't feel like he knows anything more now than he did in August. I asked him, "is that a joke?" I feel almost like a different person now than I did 9 months ago. No, I certainly don't think that I have learned very much of what there is to know about the law, but that has more to do with the vastness of the subject than with my increase in knowledge. I know enough now to know that I need to know more (say that 5 times fast), but I still think that I have learned an incredible amount in this school year. Its probably the greatest knowledge increase I've had since I learned to read. Even if I just consider things I've learned about myself in the last 9 months, the change has been huge.
One thing I've learned? Not to be terrified of my exams. I'm trying to remind myself of that as I prepare and revise my outlines. I hope everyone out there can feel the same. Good Luck.
1 year ago