just because you don't need a license doesn't mean there are no rules

I love me some summer-time bicycling. If there is one good thing about high gas prices, it is that more people are riding their bikes. Plus, my home town is uber bike-friendly (I will miss this in about a month when I am in city-traffic-hell). But! BUT. I have been having some issues with the etiquette of new cyclists. Yes, its fun. Yes, its easier than driving. No, riding your bike does not mean "I can act like even more of a jackass than I do when I drive!" No no no no.

So in the interest of not unloading all of my shit on the next twerp I encounter on the trails, here are my RULES FOR RIDING YOUR BIKE:

1. When riding on a trail, do NOT stop on the bridge. Do not stop with all of your friends and all of your bikes on the bridge. The bridge is the narrowest part of the trail and therefore the worst place to stop and congregate, dipshit.

2. Warn people before you pass them. "On your left" is really not that hard to say. Warn them even if they are just walking, even if they are talking on the phone, even if they have a helmet or hat on, even if they have headphones on. Especially if they have headphones on. Warn them even if you think they saw you. No one I know has eyes in the back of their head except for my mom, and you won't run into her on the bike trail.

3. Stop staring at me if I wear a skirt and ride my bike at the same time. The only way that you could see what you are staring so hard at is if you were underneath my front tire, in which case you have other things to worry about. Also, do not stare at me in misdirected self-righteousness. Riding a bike in a skirt is not slutty. If you do insist on staring at me in lust or contempt, accept the fact that me flipping you off is a reasonable and appropriate response.