Monday, October 13, 2008

this blog is no longer about law school but is instead about my battles with various insects

I now break from your regularly scheduled law school whining to bring you this, my most recent psychotic break:

My next post was going to be about the recent shitsplosion that has happened to my law school friends, or about my mid-semester crisis and subsequent doing absolutely nothing, or about something brilliant that I thought up the other night when BF woke me up at 2 am because he was having a nightmare (only I can't remember exactly what it was), or about how I think that the worst Sex & the City burn ever is that iTunes thinks that it is similar to the 1st Wives Club. My next post (this one) WAS going to be about one of these things, and my next post still may be about some of those things (I like the word shitsplosion and I fully intend to use it).

But. Alas, for there are more motherfucking bugs in my apartment.

I have briefly mentioned before that I am not a lover of spiders. As a matter of fact I am not a fan of any bugs that come into my home (if they would just stay outside!!!). In order of slightly decreasing hatred:

#1 Spiders
#2 Earwigs
#3 Unrecognizable, but gross looking, other bugs
#1,000,000 Roly-polies
#1,000,001 Lady bugs
#1,000,002 Caterpillars
#1,000,003 Lightning bugs
#1,000,004 Butterflies

Cockroaches are not in the top 3 because I am lucky to live in a place where there are hardly any around, and in their absence I like to pretend that they do not exist. Also, in my Which Law School Will I Go To pro/con list I put "not many icky bugs in the geographical area" in the pro column for the school I ultimately chose.

When I decided to call it a night 20 minutes ago and came into the bedroom only to find a crawly of the #3 type, ON MY DAMN PILLOW, it became immediately clear that I would not be able to go to sleep right away. And so, to get my mind off of the real bug, I am blogging about this and other recent encounters of the icky kind.

One morning last week I encountered 3 spiders in or near the bed within 5 minutes of waking up. It was at that exact moment that I decided I fucking hate where I live and we are not renewing our lease. We've already had pest control spray once, and that did absolutely nothing to stem the tide. I blame the shit-tay construction of our shit-tay apartment complex (like the fact that the door doesn't seal all the way, and that none of the damn trim actually touches any of the damn floor). BF blames the time of year, and tries to comfort me by saying that they will come inside and soon die. This is crazy talk, as it seems much more likely that they will come inside and nestle themselves in my belongings and multiply and eat my hair and maybe scare me to death.

The cat is useless. Also in the pro column of Getting A Cat was, "will eat bugs in my house". This was a LIE that other cat-owners told me. My cat is nearly perfect in every other way, but all she ever does is meow at the bugs, and occasionally chase them.

Also significant: I have never before lived in an apartment. I have only previously lived in houses, where there is nature on ALL FOUR SIDES of my home. All of these houses have been at least 30 years old. And somehow, in this apartment built 7 years ago, where there is nature on ONLY ONE SIDE of me there are more bugs than I have ever ever ever seen in my life.

So if you're passing by a poorly built, maintained and managed apartment complex in a part of the country that doesn't have many cockroaches and you hear "guhgaaaahguhugh eeeeeeeeeeuuuuwwwww ick ick uhahha aha aha pheeeewwww," then you will know that you have found the non-internet human being behind this horrible-excuse-for-entertainment blog, and that I am killing a spider.

1 comment:

(In)Sanity Gal said...

Oh, I am so with you on this post except that I unfortunately did have a minor cockroach issue earlier in the year. Talk about ruining your entire sense of comfort in your home. Ugh. Gross. And spiders. Don't even get me started. But the ones I hate most are those creepy cricket/spider things - I don't know if you have those. I call them cave crickets, but I think other people call them other things. Ugh, my skin is crawling just thinking about them. I must stop. Good luck!